Happy Birthday!

It's amazing what happens in a year. 3 years ago around this time I worried that Mike and I would never have kids of our own. We even started the process for foster care but it wasn't for us. If I'm being honest I didn't want someone coming in an evaluating my house.2 years ago around this time I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first child (big difference huh!). And last year at this time I was excited about having Conor's first birthday.

This is when I fell in love

Going into his first birthday I was excited about my baby turning one and looking forward to watching him become more independent. I knew the next year we would be faced with challenges as toddlerhood is both a wonderful and trying time. I knew this year would be hard and I was right. I was just expecting a different kind of hard.

First birthday party

It was shortly after this time last year that I acknowledged what I had been rationalizing all along. Conor was delayed. Funny how effective rationalizing can be. After I admitted this to myself I was worried (and frustrated that I let his 1 year appointment go by). This slowly went from general worry, to extreme worry, to being put at ease only to go back to extreme worry and general worry again. But as the year wraps up I'm happy to say I generally feel back at ease.(Thanks to very helpful doctors and wonderful therapists. I have always believed in early intervention. But seeing my son progress shows me what a wonderful use of money!) And we sail into Conor's second birthday with toddler tantrums, party planning, nostalgia and a little sadness at how quickly my boy is growing up.

Lately I've been feeling extremely blessed. This feeling is particularly strong on those mornings where I get to start my day with some cuddles from Conor. He's been pretty cuddly lately. And when I'm sitting in bed with time to spare cuddled up to that boy I can't help but feel blessed to have him in my life. There's so many people who struggle and are never able to have kids or suffer the loss of a child. So I'll take my time to feel lucky to have those moments with my beautiful son.

So Happy 2nd Birthday to my sweet baby boy! I love you!

Thank you!

Last week this is the scene that played out in my house.

I asked Conor if he wanted milk. He did. So he signed "milk" and made his attempt to say milk. So I got him a cup and gave him his milk. As I handed him the cup he says "thank you" and toddled off. I smiled to myself and reflected on how proud I was of him. First I was proud that he said a spontaneous word as this is what I'm hoping he starts doing more. I was then struck with pride at the thought that Conor uses few words spontaneously so the fact that he manages such good manners unprompted is pretty impressive. I sat there proud of my son.

It took a few minutes but as I sat with such pride I realized something. Here I am so proud of my son and yet he doesn't even know it! Too often I think this happens. I see kids all the time who complain because their parents never notice when they do something good. And while I don't believe it's entirely true. I wonder how many opportunities do we as parents miss because we don't tell them when we have these moments. Kids need to hear these things. And I think parents get frustrated when their kids say they don't notice. One reason is that kids tend not to notice when we acknowledge their efforts. Another reason is that often when we acknowledge that we are proud of kids its not at a time when they hear us and we assume they know.

And the thing is when we tell children that we are proud of something specific they have done and we are genuinely proud it can have such a profound effect. I'm sure my mom told me she was proud of lots of things. But I remember numerous times when my mom would tell me how proud she was that the elementary school special education teacher told her I was so good with the kids in her class. My mom talked about this all the time with me. And there's no way I can think this wasn't a huge influence in the career path I choose for myself. I actually often thought about that as I worked towards my career.

Telling our children that we are proud of them really can help shape who they become in a small way. But it needs to be genuine and it needs to be frequent. So we need to find every chance we can to tell our kids when we are proud of them and why. And we need to mean it! Because if they don't have exponentially more incidents of you saying you're proud of them then they might miss it.

Don't worry once I realized that I was merely reflecting on my pride and not telling him I immediately gave him a big hug, And then I told him how happy I was that he has such great manners! And I am proud to be raising a boy with good manners!

And a big kudos as well to my mom for doing this so well!
(Adults can benefit from positive feedback as well ya know!)

Glasses

Last week we had a doctor's appointment marathon. Made for a busy week but also got it all done at once instead of dragging things out. Kind of nice! At his last appointment Conor saw an ophthalmologist. Now we already saw a neuro-ophthalmologist back in January so this was a follow up. Based on his appointment in January I kind of knew this appointment would wind up with glasses on my boys beautiful face. So driving down to his appointment I was a little sad.

And what do you know...

...we got glasses!

No don't get me wrong that face...super cute even with the glasses, but I'm sad. I'm sad because he looks different. An unlike his changes in appearance so far, this isn't gradual. I'll get over this. But I think he gives me twinges of sadness because he's growing up. REALLY FAST!

Today I was listening to the Phil Vassar song "Don't Miss Your Life". I gotta do better at that. I get to spend lots of time with Conor and I enjoy it no question. But I feel like sometimes time gets away from me. The past few months have gone to quickly I want to work on paying more attention to the 24 hours I get each day!

Seeing Conor in his glasses I think he looks an awful lot like Ralph from A Christmas Story. 

Don't you think?

That being said in looking up pictures of him I found recent pictures of the actor who plays Ralph. And you know he is hot!

So I know I'm working on focusing on the present and not always trying to get to the future but...logic tells me that if my kid looks like that kid, and that kid grew up to be that good looking then my cute kid it going to be one good looking man! And that makes me happy! :)

P.S. Please don't look for holes in my logic. It makes me happy so it doesn't matter if it is flawed!

Magic

The last couple of days I've been kind of in awe of my kid. I mean being almost 2 is a cool time. Its tough for sure with independence, whining, tantrums and frustrations. But its kind of cool. It's like 2 year olds have that balance we all need in our lives. They get hurt sure, but they move on. And they appreciate life to the fullest. It's incredible.

Conor loves anything with an engine so when he hears one he stops everything to look for it and then watches. When the engine leaves he very happily say "buhbye!" and back to playing. We take walks and say bye to almost every car we pass. Motorcycles put him in a kind of trance...the kind that occurs when he hears the music from the ice cream truck. 

I love spending time with Conor in this stage because it is so cool that he can stop and take the time out of everyday and notice the world. And because Conor does it I get to do it too. It helps t appreciate life that way. I think that's the most important thing kids can teach us.

 The world wouldn't function if we all were 2 year olds. But if we really appreciate our two year olds and learn from them then we can still benefit from the magical world of being a kid. The world where falling and scraping your knee can hurt so bad but a hug from mommy makes it better and there's nothing quite like hanging out in mom and dad's bed. (I should note that while I HATE Conor getting hurt, I so love that a hug from me solves almost all his problems. How is that not just the best confidence boost in the whole world?!)

So here's to learning to live life like a kid!

Tantrums

I've taught parenting classes for something like 5 years now. Conor's almost 2 so there were a number of years teaching that I was not a parent myself. I felt self conscience about this and inevitably there was always someone in the class who questioned this. But you know what? By the end of a 7-week course the person who questioned my not being a parent always gave me the best scores on the class evaluation. So I started to gain confidence. After all the doubters seemed to come around that's got to be good right?

As you should in any parenting class I acknowledged that it was tough to be a parent. I simply reminded people that my techniques with kids work even though I'm not their parent. The biggest difference. At the end of the day they weren't my kids and I could go home. Which meant a few things. 1.I got a break so it was easier to be consistent and 2. I didn't feel as guilty because it wasn't my kid acting this way. The point is things like consistency still are the best way but they are just harder t do when its all day everyday.

What I didn't realize before I became a mommy was that there was another factor that made it tough. This is a factor I don't even know how to describe. It is that it feels different when your child is upset. I can listen to kids cry and throw temper tantrums for hours. It drives me a little crazy but I can do it. The other night I timed one and was surprised to see it was only like 20minutes. It felt longer. Because when its your kid it pulls at you differently. A 20 minute tantrum with any other kid would be nothing. With Conor it frustrated the hell out of me.

So I thought about it. I thought about how it's different when your the parent and when your not. And then I realized I think it is so different but really I still do the same thing. The thought process is different. So I thought I'd share my thought process.

When I work with a kid and they throw a tantrum or aren't following directions this is what I do. I sit quietly (I tell parents all the time silence is an effective tool it sends a message to the kid that you are not happy/acknowledging their tantrum and gives you time to scramble for an idea. But they don't know you're scrambling! Victor parent!) So this is what I think while I have my best "this is not acceptable face":

Crap! Now what do I do?! Ok what choices can I give to get them to do what I want ? How can I give choices I have no control in this situation? Nope I have control what do I have control over? 

(choices are the best it gives kids the impression of control while still maintain most of the control at the adult).

The  conversation in my head seems like it goes on forever but the clock tells me it does not! Thank goodness! And then I pull some wonderful gem that I'm sure is not gong to work like. If you don't help me clean up the markers I'm not going to want to bring them the next time I see you. This of course is met with not cleaning up markers. But If I put away like 3 markers and remind them I won't bring them next time suddenly I have help. Go figure!

NOW when it is Conor the conversation in my head is different. It goes more like this:

Oh dear God I don't want to deal with this! (waiting) You're supposed to ignore tantrums right? So I'm doing that! Good for me, doing the right thing! (let entirely too much time pass) Ok seriously this is not the type of tantrum I just ignore I actually have to help his get out of his frustration. So now what the hell do I do? What would work me do? Work me would give him choices. I need to give him choices.

And then I give him choices and we eventually get the problem resolved. Eventually. So like I said it is pretty much the same the thought process is just a little different!

 And yes I do actually ask myself what would work me do.

Did I mention I hate tantrums?! Can't wait for these to end! Don't worry I know I have a while!

I love this kid!

Life ebbs and flows. I was feeling so productive for a while there. Recently I don't feel so productive. 

I'm not sure why that is I have more time then I did 2 months ago. But I feel like I keep not getting around to routine things I had managed to maintain despite our crazy schedule. Maybe it is because I finally took a big sigh and granted myself a big long break for getting through it. Some of it is definitely because the weather is nice and we have been spending ridiculous amounts of time outside. I'm pretty sure for a while there Conor forgot what his inside toys looked like.

He remembered though no worries! I definitely need to get back into my routine of some of my indoor chores and running. I'll feel better about myself I'm sure. Somebody hold me to that..I will fix my schedule! Being off it does not work. I think I've also screwed up my routine a little by moving Conor to a toddler bed. He's doing well with it now (a couple of falls out of the bed..now when he falls out though he falls back to sleep on the floor). But the toddler bed has shorten nap time a little...darn!

I've been feeling a little off lately too. I couldn't figure out why at first but I think it's because Conor started having those episodes again. Not nearly as frequently thank goodness but they stopped for a while and now they are back. Those episodes really mess with my head. I at least have relief now because the doctors are pretty adamant that its benign. But their weird and it makes me worry and just makes me think all kinds of thoughts.

I was enjoying my break from doctors appointments but April is quickly approaching so back we got to doctors. Also lots of therapy appointments. Maybe busy is better and I will start getting more done! Fingers crossed! 

In the meantime I'll just focus on the fact that if nothing else I'm loving my time watching my baby become a boy!

P.S. Did I mention I love this kid?!?!

Life isn't easy but it is good

The weather has changed (knock on wood that it is really Spring and not a tease!) and our family has been loving it! We've been going to the park as much as we can get there. Even taking the dogs sometimes if we think there won't be too many people around.

 He's growing up!

I love going to the park with Conor! It's not necessarily easy (why do they have so many openings on the equipment that a kid can fall off? And why does it alternate sides of the equipment?) but it is easier then being stuck inside all day. Conor loves to be outside and when its nice I can tolerate being out with him for much longer then in the cold. There's also other kids to play with...I can't tell you how happy this makes Conor.

 Knock knock!

 Getting so big!

I also love going to the park with my whole family. There's nothing quite like watching Conor and Mike play together. They have so much fun its wonderful to watch! And I just feel better being out in the fresh air.
 

 Good conversation...

 Log rolls!

So needless to say this past weekend was wonderful and I'm excited about this weekend coming up because it will be nice again. This week however has been a little tough. Its been nice outside so we have played plenty which is great. But Conor has been getting frustrated more lately. I'm not really sure if it's the time change, his limited communication or just the fact that he's turning two. Whatever it is we've had a lot of whining and tantrums this week that have been driving me crazy.

It frustrates me because if I could just understand what he wants or get him to understand me we could solve it but we couldn't quite get there. With a lot of deep breaths, a few early bedtimes and reminding myself over and over how frustrating this must be for him we got through it (for now!). The tests are definitely going to be tough but I just need to keep reminding myself that he's trying to figure it all out and that's a tough task!

Independence...such a blessing and a curse....

Last night I realized with mixed emotions that Conor's turning 2 in two months!! Holy cow!! I'm excited, sad and a little nervous all at the same time. I guess I'm not sad as much as nostalgic(I learned from my previous posts see!) In true mother fashion (maybe new mother I guess) I got excited about his birthday party and discussed with Mike what kind of cake I should try and make him this year. So for the first time I actually set my mind to figuring out Pinterest enough to find some ideas for a cake that would be good for Conor, (For the record I'm still not sold on Pinterest as a hobby but it maybe alright when I need something specific)

And a few more for good measure...

 Kicking me out of my own room....

 

HAPPY SPRING!!!!!!