Tantrums

I've taught parenting classes for something like 5 years now. Conor's almost 2 so there were a number of years teaching that I was not a parent myself. I felt self conscience about this and inevitably there was always someone in the class who questioned this. But you know what? By the end of a 7-week course the person who questioned my not being a parent always gave me the best scores on the class evaluation. So I started to gain confidence. After all the doubters seemed to come around that's got to be good right?

As you should in any parenting class I acknowledged that it was tough to be a parent. I simply reminded people that my techniques with kids work even though I'm not their parent. The biggest difference. At the end of the day they weren't my kids and I could go home. Which meant a few things. 1.I got a break so it was easier to be consistent and 2. I didn't feel as guilty because it wasn't my kid acting this way. The point is things like consistency still are the best way but they are just harder t do when its all day everyday.

What I didn't realize before I became a mommy was that there was another factor that made it tough. This is a factor I don't even know how to describe. It is that it feels different when your child is upset. I can listen to kids cry and throw temper tantrums for hours. It drives me a little crazy but I can do it. The other night I timed one and was surprised to see it was only like 20minutes. It felt longer. Because when its your kid it pulls at you differently. A 20 minute tantrum with any other kid would be nothing. With Conor it frustrated the hell out of me.

So I thought about it. I thought about how it's different when your the parent and when your not. And then I realized I think it is so different but really I still do the same thing. The thought process is different. So I thought I'd share my thought process.

When I work with a kid and they throw a tantrum or aren't following directions this is what I do. I sit quietly (I tell parents all the time silence is an effective tool it sends a message to the kid that you are not happy/acknowledging their tantrum and gives you time to scramble for an idea. But they don't know you're scrambling! Victor parent!) So this is what I think while I have my best "this is not acceptable face":

Crap! Now what do I do?! Ok what choices can I give to get them to do what I want ? How can I give choices I have no control in this situation? Nope I have control what do I have control over? 

(choices are the best it gives kids the impression of control while still maintain most of the control at the adult).

The  conversation in my head seems like it goes on forever but the clock tells me it does not! Thank goodness! And then I pull some wonderful gem that I'm sure is not gong to work like. If you don't help me clean up the markers I'm not going to want to bring them the next time I see you. This of course is met with not cleaning up markers. But If I put away like 3 markers and remind them I won't bring them next time suddenly I have help. Go figure!

NOW when it is Conor the conversation in my head is different. It goes more like this:

Oh dear God I don't want to deal with this! (waiting) You're supposed to ignore tantrums right? So I'm doing that! Good for me, doing the right thing! (let entirely too much time pass) Ok seriously this is not the type of tantrum I just ignore I actually have to help his get out of his frustration. So now what the hell do I do? What would work me do? Work me would give him choices. I need to give him choices.

And then I give him choices and we eventually get the problem resolved. Eventually. So like I said it is pretty much the same the thought process is just a little different!

 And yes I do actually ask myself what would work me do.

Did I mention I hate tantrums?! Can't wait for these to end! Don't worry I know I have a while!

I love this kid!

Life ebbs and flows. I was feeling so productive for a while there. Recently I don't feel so productive. 

I'm not sure why that is I have more time then I did 2 months ago. But I feel like I keep not getting around to routine things I had managed to maintain despite our crazy schedule. Maybe it is because I finally took a big sigh and granted myself a big long break for getting through it. Some of it is definitely because the weather is nice and we have been spending ridiculous amounts of time outside. I'm pretty sure for a while there Conor forgot what his inside toys looked like.

He remembered though no worries! I definitely need to get back into my routine of some of my indoor chores and running. I'll feel better about myself I'm sure. Somebody hold me to that..I will fix my schedule! Being off it does not work. I think I've also screwed up my routine a little by moving Conor to a toddler bed. He's doing well with it now (a couple of falls out of the bed..now when he falls out though he falls back to sleep on the floor). But the toddler bed has shorten nap time a little...darn!

I've been feeling a little off lately too. I couldn't figure out why at first but I think it's because Conor started having those episodes again. Not nearly as frequently thank goodness but they stopped for a while and now they are back. Those episodes really mess with my head. I at least have relief now because the doctors are pretty adamant that its benign. But their weird and it makes me worry and just makes me think all kinds of thoughts.

I was enjoying my break from doctors appointments but April is quickly approaching so back we got to doctors. Also lots of therapy appointments. Maybe busy is better and I will start getting more done! Fingers crossed! 

In the meantime I'll just focus on the fact that if nothing else I'm loving my time watching my baby become a boy!

P.S. Did I mention I love this kid?!?!

Life isn't easy but it is good

The weather has changed (knock on wood that it is really Spring and not a tease!) and our family has been loving it! We've been going to the park as much as we can get there. Even taking the dogs sometimes if we think there won't be too many people around.

 He's growing up!

I love going to the park with Conor! It's not necessarily easy (why do they have so many openings on the equipment that a kid can fall off? And why does it alternate sides of the equipment?) but it is easier then being stuck inside all day. Conor loves to be outside and when its nice I can tolerate being out with him for much longer then in the cold. There's also other kids to play with...I can't tell you how happy this makes Conor.

 Knock knock!

 Getting so big!

I also love going to the park with my whole family. There's nothing quite like watching Conor and Mike play together. They have so much fun its wonderful to watch! And I just feel better being out in the fresh air.
 

 Good conversation...

 Log rolls!

So needless to say this past weekend was wonderful and I'm excited about this weekend coming up because it will be nice again. This week however has been a little tough. Its been nice outside so we have played plenty which is great. But Conor has been getting frustrated more lately. I'm not really sure if it's the time change, his limited communication or just the fact that he's turning two. Whatever it is we've had a lot of whining and tantrums this week that have been driving me crazy.

It frustrates me because if I could just understand what he wants or get him to understand me we could solve it but we couldn't quite get there. With a lot of deep breaths, a few early bedtimes and reminding myself over and over how frustrating this must be for him we got through it (for now!). The tests are definitely going to be tough but I just need to keep reminding myself that he's trying to figure it all out and that's a tough task!

Independence...such a blessing and a curse....

Last night I realized with mixed emotions that Conor's turning 2 in two months!! Holy cow!! I'm excited, sad and a little nervous all at the same time. I guess I'm not sad as much as nostalgic(I learned from my previous posts see!) In true mother fashion (maybe new mother I guess) I got excited about his birthday party and discussed with Mike what kind of cake I should try and make him this year. So for the first time I actually set my mind to figuring out Pinterest enough to find some ideas for a cake that would be good for Conor, (For the record I'm still not sold on Pinterest as a hobby but it maybe alright when I need something specific)

And a few more for good measure...

 Kicking me out of my own room....

 

HAPPY SPRING!!!!!!