Last week this is the scene that played out in my house.
I asked Conor if he wanted milk. He did. So he signed "milk" and made his attempt to say milk. So I got him a cup and gave him his milk. As I handed him the cup he says "thank you" and toddled off. I smiled to myself and reflected on how proud I was of him. First I was proud that he said a spontaneous word as this is what I'm hoping he starts doing more. I was then struck with pride at the thought that Conor uses few words spontaneously so the fact that he manages such good manners unprompted is pretty impressive. I sat there proud of my son.
It took a few minutes but as I sat with such pride I realized something. Here I am so proud of my son and yet he doesn't even know it! Too often I think this happens. I see kids all the time who complain because their parents never notice when they do something good. And while I don't believe it's entirely true. I wonder how many opportunities do we as parents miss because we don't tell them when we have these moments. Kids need to hear these things. And I think parents get frustrated when their kids say they don't notice. One reason is that kids tend not to notice when we acknowledge their efforts. Another reason is that often when we acknowledge that we are proud of kids its not at a time when they hear us and we assume they know.
And the thing is when we tell children that we are proud of something specific they have done and we are genuinely proud it can have such a profound effect. I'm sure my mom told me she was proud of lots of things. But I remember numerous times when my mom would tell me how proud she was that the elementary school special education teacher told her I was so good with the kids in her class. My mom talked about this all the time with me. And there's no way I can think this wasn't a huge influence in the career path I choose for myself. I actually often thought about that as I worked towards my career.
Telling our children that we are proud of them really can help shape who they become in a small way. But it needs to be genuine and it needs to be frequent. So we need to find every chance we can to tell our kids when we are proud of them and why. And we need to mean it! Because if they don't have exponentially more incidents of you saying you're proud of them then they might miss it.
Don't worry once I realized that I was merely reflecting on my pride and not telling him I immediately gave him a big hug, And then I told him how happy I was that he has such great manners! And I am proud to be raising a boy with good manners!
And a big kudos as well to my mom for doing this so well!
(Adults can benefit from positive feedback as well ya know!)
And the thing is when we tell children that we are proud of something specific they have done and we are genuinely proud it can have such a profound effect. I'm sure my mom told me she was proud of lots of things. But I remember numerous times when my mom would tell me how proud she was that the elementary school special education teacher told her I was so good with the kids in her class. My mom talked about this all the time with me. And there's no way I can think this wasn't a huge influence in the career path I choose for myself. I actually often thought about that as I worked towards my career.
Telling our children that we are proud of them really can help shape who they become in a small way. But it needs to be genuine and it needs to be frequent. So we need to find every chance we can to tell our kids when we are proud of them and why. And we need to mean it! Because if they don't have exponentially more incidents of you saying you're proud of them then they might miss it.
Don't worry once I realized that I was merely reflecting on my pride and not telling him I immediately gave him a big hug, And then I told him how happy I was that he has such great manners! And I am proud to be raising a boy with good manners!
And a big kudos as well to my mom for doing this so well!
(Adults can benefit from positive feedback as well ya know!)
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