Mixed

Tomorrow is Conor's first follow up appointment from the hospital. He's going to see his neurologist who he originally saw months ago. I had been looking forward to this appointment as I really like the doctor and feel like it will be helpful in figuring out what is going on. I'm hoping tomorrow's appointment brings a good plan of how we go about figuring things out.

As the appointent grows closer I'm beginning to get mixed feelings. On one hand I worry that the plan will be to wait and see what the other doctors say....more not knowing. On the other hand I don't really want a plan that involves more testing and poking. I find myself at this weird point where I'm afraid all these doctors will be telling me they have no answers for what's going on and that's that. But then the alternative seems to be that they will have to run more tests which means putting my little man through more crap.

Where once I was eager to get answers and figure things out I know feel nervous about leaving this point I had grown comfortable in the past couple weeks. The point where I have the comfort of knowing that at least there's not something horrible on his brain like a tumor or something. And at the same time knowing there's a plan to get answers after seeing all the specialist but not actually having any bad news.

It seems January starts the marathon of doctor's appointments which I feel will lead to me eventually hearing what's wrong (a hard pill to swallow regardless as nobody wants something to be wrong). Or the alternative is a bunch of doctor's telling me they can't find anything wrong, which leaves me left stuck in the unknown while I feel in my gut that somethings not right. Either way all the options seem negative. So I guess my hope is that since I don't know all the answers maybe there's an option I'm missing....here's hoping!