My husband

Let me tell you about my husband. Nobody is perfect but he is amazing to me. I called him at 5pm the day before we needed to leave at 3:30 in the morning and told him our baby no longer had a heart beat and I needed to meet him to come get the kids from me. Then I called him back like 15 minutes later to tell him our baby has a heartbeat but it is abnormally low and something is wrong but we can go on our trip and that I would meet him at home.

So I took the boys home and we prepared for a trip. Despite all our plans to eat dinner early and go to bed early we didn't get down as early as we wanted. And Mike and I certainly didn't get the good night sleep we wanted. But we were up early and off to the airport. When we got to Disney it was pretty early still. But the more I moved around the more I bled so I decided to take it easy. So I laid down and rested and napped. And Mike took the boys to explore the resort. Even though he had as little sleep as I did.

We got sleep later that night and then we got up and headed out to Magic Kingdom. But we decided to rent a scooter for me to reduce the walking in hopes that would help things with the baby. But part way through the morning I knew I needed to go to the hospital. So I left Mike at Magic Kingdom with two boys (poor Mack had no stroller at not quite 4 because he was riding with me on the scooter so Mike could push Conor in the wheelchair). And so he stayed and took care of the boys by himself at Magic Kingdom all day.

And then I called him from the hospital hours later to tell him our baby had no more heartbeat. And because he's an amazing father he somehow managed through Magic Kingdom with the boys and dinner at the castle with the boys even though he must have been hurting inside. See as much as I lost my baby he lost his baby as well. But he had to somehow manage to not let the kids see because they didn't know. I tried to meet him at Magic Kingdom because all I wanted to do was watch the nighttime show with my boys in that moment. But with crowds and a show coming we couldn't figure out where each other was. And because the whole thing was stressful and my phone battery was dying he tried to help me find him.

And then Mack threw up. And even though I was freaking out he still had to handle that. And so we spent another long night with very little sleep because all the laundry needed to be cleaned and we needed to keep Mack semi quarantined in a hotel room because I can't have everyone else sick. Especially not Conor. And so Mike found laundry at the resort and got all the stuff cleaned. So we got to bed very late. Mack seemed better by morning and so with a very late start we did some time at the park. He reminded me to pack extra clothes in case the bleeding became bad. Mike checked in with me constantly to make sure I was feeling ok that everything was okay (we were waiting for me to miscarry at this point). At dinner  Mack kept asking me "Can I kiss the baby" (we hadn't told them yet) and I tried to put him off but he wouldn't stop. Eventually I couldn't hold it together anymore and ran off to the bathroom to cry leaving Mike once again to keep it together and make things normal for the boys. We told the boys at the hotel that night because it was too hard. We were up late again crying and grieving with the boys.

And then we settled in for bed. But it didn't take long for the pain to start. Mike did his best to get rest  in between making sure I was ok and getting me anything I needed. He was after all going to be clearly in for another day responsible for the boys on limited sleep at this point. After making it through the night I sent him to breakfast with the boys I was going to go seek medical help. And so off he went to manage on his own and keep things normal as possible for the boys. He eventually had to arrange a way to the hospital with the boys later that morning. When we thought I would be getting a D&C. After the mess of that hospital visit we went back to make as normal as possible and scared about what happens next.

That night when I went into labor. He slept as long as he could. After all another sleepless night was coming and nobody to help him with the kids the next day. But when it was time to go he did it all. Packed a bag. Dressed the boys.  Checked on me. Called for a ride. And then sat in a hospital trying to manage two small children woken up in the middle of the night and be supportive for me. It's a lot to juggle even without the emotional component. But he did it all without complaint. He's never even once mentioned it.

When we switched hospitals and he was brought into the room where I was yelling and screaming he was still balancing making sure the boys were supervised while trying to be supportive for me. He was eventually sent to wait while I was taken in. And so back to the waiting room he was sent where he had two small children to care for even though he left me in a state that had him concerned about whether I would be ok.

When I was ok he had to get all the information from the doctors to take care of me (I literally forgot it all). And then I got dressed in new clothes because he was awesome and thoughts to pack that! And  we went home where he unpacked all our luggage that Disney had nicely moved for us. And then took the boys swimming. Because I could only tag along and watch but even though he didn't get to sleep he still had to take care of everybody.

The rest of the trip was Mike taking care of the boys mostly by himself as well as him checking in on me. Was I ok? Doing so much for me so I could take it easy. And constantly checking how I was feeling. Because when the doctor told me to take it easy and to rent a scooter I thought it was because I had been sedated and lost blood. I didn't really connect the dots that I went through labor and then thought I could go do Disney the next day (because I didn't have a baby to prove  to myself that I just gave birth). But he knew and cared for me the whole way.

See all this might be part of his job as husband and father. To take care of his kids when he takes them to Disney. To worry about and care for his wife when she is sick. But we planned this trip to Disney as two adults (a team) taking care of two boys. And instead we got him by himself taking care of all three of us. And most people when they care for a sick wife have a support system in place to balance all the juggling so that in crisis people can rush in an be extra hands. But when your whole support system is hours away all they can do is be emotional support (by the way he was updating my poor mother while I was in the hospital as well) but they aren't there to be extra hands and eyes.

And through it all he's been amazingly supportive since we've been home. Picking up extra slack with the kids. There to hold me when I'm falling apart even if I keep him up late at night crying. And checking in on me regularly throughout the day when he knows I'm struggling. And picking up slack with the kids when he knows I'm having a hard time.

In all of this Mike lost a lot too. But it doesn't stop him from being there 100%. And that's true love. And that's why my two boys are turning out to be wonderful caring little men.