A new year will bring a new family member

We are getting close to the arrival of our new little guy. Conor is incredibly excited about the new baby. Every day he asks if Mack's ready to come out and he tries to reach in my mouth to get the baby. Sometimes he uses his toy screwdriver to try and get him out. This is certainly not my favorite activity each day. Though I will admit if it wasn't my mouth being pried open this is a humorous activity. I just hope he's as excited about the actual baby as he is about the idea of the baby. I guess time will tell.

I'm finding this part of pregnancy to be very different then last time. It was at this point in pregnancy with Conor that I actually felt the best I had all pregnancy (weird I know). I was excited to meet him but not ready to have him yet. I was determined to finish up at work before he came and worked until my due date.

This time I'm uncomfortable and soooo over being pregnant. I want to meet him. I want to not be pregnant and I really want to be done work. But at the same time I'm constantly convicted. The reality is I want to be done but I'm not at all ready for him. I still have so much I want to do before he's born (and no energy to do any of it). I also am not ready to be done at work as much as I want to be done. I will again work up until I have him but this time I'm regretting not giving myself a little time off before he comes. 

I think I'm just conflicted in general these days. Some days when I think about everything I will have to deal with between Mack and Conor I think "I got this." Sometimes I feel like I can totally be that supermom and will be able to handle all their appointments and needs and struggles with no problem. Other days I think "oh god this is going to be tough!" 

It's weird going back and forth. Some days those this is going to be tough days can be very discouraging. I get to feeling like it's too much to handle now and it will only get harder. On the "I got this" days though I feel like I can handle anything and do it all. This is a great feeling and I wish I could hold onto it all the time. But I can't. Because the truth is in reality I'm sure I'll really be somewhere in the middle. Somewhere that is completely overwhelmed but yet somehow managing to do what I think is best but never being quite sure how long I'll be able to keep it up, nor how long I need to.

I guess that's just life though and we all seem to muddle through somehow. I just need to make sure I don't let my personal pity parties last too long.